


Permission

by MaddieandChimney



Series: Triggers [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, slightly nsfw, tw: implied domestic violence, tw: implied noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: "Is this okay?" That was something she was still fascinated by. She had spent so many years just doing what she was told, or just letting things happen to her that she didn't want, and there she was with a man who only ever wanted her to feel good.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Triggers [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765093
Kudos: 20
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Permission

In less than a year, Chimney had gone from this perfect stranger who was taking time on his day off to help her feel safe, to someone she’d consider a friend, then a best friend whom she also happened to have very real feelings for until he was a man she wanted to date. And then he was a man who had been stabbed for wanting to be the man who wanted to date her, before eventually, after a painful break, her boyfriend.

When she was twenty-four and married, she had never imagined having to start over with another person. She had never thought she would be calling another person her _boyfriend_ and the term seemed so insignificant for what Chimney actually meant to her. It had taken another two months before she had let him touch her in the way she had longed for, for a lot longer than two months.

The night had started out like any other with him – both of them still exploring, still getting used to the new turn in their relationship. The movie had long since been forgotten, their breathing heavy, their lips moving against each other’s, pulling away only to catch their breath every few minutes until they found their lips pressed together once more. His top was already off, Maddie’s hands exploring every muscle, every inch of his warm skin before they pulled back again. His hands still hesitated as they moved to the bottom of her dress that had already bunched around her hips the moment they he had pushed her back until he was on top of her.

His eyes searched hers for unspoken permission, as they always did, and she gave him a small nod of her head in response. It was merely seconds before her dress was slipped over her head and discarded on the floor of his apartment. Her chest heaved as she looked at him, her eyes dark as her hands moved down his arms, breathing him in completely. They were still learning so much about each other, it was exciting and terrifying at the same time, the constant desire to push back what Doug had spent years teaching her about herself. She had almost forgotten what sex was _meant_ to feel like, how amazing it was to actually feel desire and to be desired.

When his lips pressed against her neck, she couldn’t help the moan that came from the back of her throat, her eyes fluttering to a close. The palm of his hands gently moved over the most recent, most obvious scar left behind by her life with Doug, his lips trailing down along with his hands, taking his time on the raised skin as his fingers gently pushed down on her hips. The heat flushed through her body, everything about the way she reacted to him was screaming yes, but she was still too much inside her own head.

His lips stopped at the line of her panties, and he finally looked at her, “Is this okay?” That was something she was still fascinated by. She had spent so many years just doing what she was told, or just letting things happen to her that she didn’t want, and there she was with a man who only ever wanted her to feel good. It was still something she was getting used to, still something that caused her to pause every time he asked her – either silently with just a look or the way he paused, but especially when he said those words out loud. He cared enough to ask her.

Slowly, her hands moving down to his hair, she nodded her head as she took a deep breath, “I need to hear you say it, baby.” His voice was soft, as his fingers moved to hook over the edge of her panties so she knew his intentions, but his eyes remained on her. “Yes, yes…”

That was all the answer he needed as he took his time, pulling the fabric down her legs before he threw them on the growing pile of clothes. She wanted him, she wanted _everything_ so badly, but the moment his lips pressed against her thigh, she felt her entire body tense as her hands dropped from his hair and, just in time for him to stop as he looked up at her, she shook her head, “N-no.”

That was all it took.

There was no hesitation on his part. His body was quickly gone from between her legs as he got up off the couch and instead, moved to sit on the floor, his head resting next to hers without moving to touch her. His hand lifted, and then dropped the moment he saw the tears falling down her face, her hand quickly moving to cover her lips as she sobbed. He wanted to touch her, she could sense that, but he didn’t know _how._

“It’s okay, Maddie…” He couldn’t think of anything more to say, relieved when her hand dropped from her mouth and moved instead, to grab his.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” She wanted it so badly, she wanted to feel his lips on her, she wanted to be able to feel that complete and utter joy of being one with another person. Doug was still there though, in the back of her mind, still forcing her mind to react differently to the way her body did. Because she knew how much she wanted him, she could feel it in every part of her body; the way her heart fluttered when he kissed her, how the tension in her stomach increased when she touched him and when he touched her. “I’m sorry you have to put up with me,” With a sniff, she rolled onto her side, only slightly aware that she was completely naked as she looked at him.

Maddie’s shaking hand moved from his to gently graze her fingers along his jaw line, “I’m hopeless, I hate that you have to make all these provisions for me… I-I’m too _much_. I-I hate that you have to put up with this, with me… I hate that I spent so many years letting the man who was supposed to love me, hurt me… I hate that it’s all I’ll ever be.” The brunette could feel her chest tightening with every word, her heart thumped uncomfortably against her chest – she hated herself for dragging him into the endless void that was Maddie Buckley. Although sometimes, she still felt more like Maddie Kendall, even more so than usual right then as she desperately looked into the eyes of the man she had fallen for.

There was a desperation in her voice that he had never heard before, the kind that both broke his heart and also caused a flurry of anger to rush through him. If Doug wasn’t already dead, he’d be wishing he was. He took a moment, just enough to calm himself down, enough to make sure his voice remained soft, and his words careful, “Please don’t say that about yourself. Please don’t believe that. You’re so much more than that. You’re so…”

It was not the time to hesitate, or to doubt himself, the yearning to comfort her overtaking every other sense right then as he brushed a piece of hair behind her ear, allowing his hand to linger, as he tried to find the right words. “You’re so strong, Maddie, that’s the first thing I ever thought about you, before I met you and Buck asked me if I could help with the security cameras. And then I met you and I just knew I was right; you have done nothing but continue to show me just how strong you are. You are beautiful, kind, sexy, funny and I could sit here all night and tell you what I think but you have to believe it too. I don’t put up with you, you’re not too much, and you are so much more than that. You went through hell and back, and you’re here, with me.” The tears that were falling had slowed down, her eyes watching him carefully, as though she was waiting for the ‘but’.

It never came.

Instead, he pressed his lips to her forehead, then her nose, her cheek, her jaw line before finally, he pressed a soft peck to her lips. “Never say sorry for saying no to me, okay? You say no, we stop. That’s the only rule. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. You have every right to not want something.” His voice only waivered slightly, but he held back the tears, determined to make sure she heard every word, that she felt the truth behind them.

Slowly, she moved to push herself up, “I ruined the mood. I can… I can leave—” Her eyes flickered towards the door, suddenly more than aware that she was completely naked and he was half-dressed.

“No! Unless you want to leave, do you want to leave?” He was suddenly nervous, his hands moving to her knees as he shifted ever so slightly, “If you want to leave, you can but I-I don’t want you to go… I don’t expect anything from you, we can… sit here in silence, we can cuddle, we can do what you’re comfortable with.”

“I don’t want to leave.” She confirmed, a shy smile on her face as she reached out to press her palm against his cheek. “I-I do want to try again though, if you want… I-I’ve never… no one’s ever done _that_ for me before.” Her cheeks flushed, embarrassed but also slightly excited at the prospect of having a first-something with the man she was falling for. “If you still want to…”

Maddie watched as he moved to stand up, his hand reaching out for her, “Oh, I most definitely still want to, but…” His body was pressed flush against hers within seconds, her arms naturally moving up to wrap around his shoulders as his hands fell on the slight curve of her waist. “I need you to remember that the moment you say no, I’m done, okay? I don’t care what we’re doing at the time, how… far into things we are, how close things are to finishing. The minute you say no, we stop. No questions asked, no apologies, no guilt… we stop and you tell me what you need from me in that moment, okay?”

His voice was serious, but also gentle, his eyes kind – everything about him was the complete opposite of what she had grown accustomed to. “Okay, that sounds—thank you. Now… less talking, more…” Her lips were against his once again, only slightly more tentative than earlier in the night, almost afraid that despite what he said, she had completely ruined the entire night with her mini breakdown.

Instead, his lips upturned into a large smile before he kissed her back, gently and slowly pushing her backwards towards the bedroom before they were forced to break apart only for a quick breather, “I am going to show you exactly how much you mean to me, Madeline Buckley.”


End file.
